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HOMESCHOOL IOWA 21
with a strong family unit, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t great
hope for others.
3) They are not addicted to their phones.
At a recent gather-
ing withmy older teen/young adult kids and some of their friends,
I noticed that they rarely looked at their phones. They ate together,
played games together, and spent the evening just enjoying each
other’s company. They enjoyed being with the people they were
actually with at the moment. They see their phones as a tool. They
enjoy being with real live people, right there with them. I’m not
saying they never go on social media or watch a YouTube video,
but the priority is the people in front of them.
4) They spend time in theWord and pray on a regular basis.
You should be teaching your children to pray from the time they
can talk and to read God’s Word from the time they can read. The
best way to do this is through example. When my children were
little, personal Bible reading time was on their school schedule.
Eventually, they all took ownership of their own Bible reading time
(the ages varied greatly), and they put their own hearts and minds
into it without it being something Mom had on the schedule.
5) They have a spirit of humility.
They do not think they have
all the answers. They are teachable. They do not see themselves as
superior and they do not look down on others. This is an attitude
that is definitely more caught than taught in our children.
6) They are not easily offended.
They are not looking for rea-
sons to have hurt feelings. They are not seeking drama. The best
way, by far, to help our children not become easily offended is to
model not being easily offended. If you let love cover offenses,
your children will most likely learn to do the same. Occasionally,
there may be a need for loving confrontation, and your kids can
learn this, too, but they should not be allowed to fall into victim
mode. The victim mentality leads to life-long self-pity. If your chil-
dren truly are victims, defend them with everything you have. But
they are not victims simply because life isn’t fair or things aren’t
going their way at the moment.
7) They see the quirks, faults, and idiosyncrasies of others
and, yet, love them anyway.
They do not expect perfection in
their family, friends, co-workers, fellow church goers, or others.
Again, this is best modeled by example. If you constantly com-
plain about the flaws of others, your children will also develop a
critical spirit. On the other hand, if you love people through their
imperfections, most likely your children will do so as well. (There
may be times you have to point out the wrong that someone is
doing, but even that should be done in concern and love.)
8) They have a strong work ethic.
They jump in and help
where needed. They take responsibility for themselves. You can
begin instilling a work ethic in your children from the time they are
young. Please do not become discouraged if they don’t bounce
out of bed each morning and say, “How can I help you, Mommy?!”
(though I did actually have one child like this). A strong work ethic
can take years to develop, but do not give up. Some day your adult
children (and their bosses) will thank you.
9) They do not take themselves or life too seriously.
I cer-
tainly can’t prove this from Scripture, but I have noticed that most
mature young people have a sense of humor.
10) They know how to treat the opposite sex as a brother
or sister in Christ.
In 1 Timothy 5:2, Paul admonishes Timothy to
treat the younger women as sisters, with all purity. That means
avoiding two extremes. They do not pretend the opposite sex
doesn’t exist, and they also do not flirt or “stalk” each other. Jeff
and I encourage our teens/young adults to have friends of the
opposite sex. They will not have the same closeness or intimacy
as friends of the same sex and, obviously, there should be some
good, clear boundaries. But mature relationships between the
opposite genders include kindness, friendliness, and even some
deep discussions. I am not naive enough to think that my teens/
young adults will never develop a “crush,” but this, too, can be a
learning and growing experience as they work through these feel-
ings in a mature and dignified manner. My own kids have found
great wealth and growth in friendships of the opposite gender.
11) They realize life is not all about them.
As one friend put
it, “When the ‘all about me’ attitude is dropped, an adult is born.”
Yes, mature young people acknowledge and deal with their own
problems and emotions, but they are able to listen and talk to oth-
ers about topics other than themselves. You can encourage your
younger children to ask others questions, to get to know them, to
focus on how they can make the other person feel listened to and
cared for.
12) They realize their identity is in Christ.
We all have mo-
ments of insecurity, but when we realize that our identity is not
in what others think of us or even what we think of ourselves, but
in Christ, we become more confident, not in a prideful way, but in
understanding that the Creator of the universe loved us enough
to send His Son to die for us. This is actually very humbling. When
we realize this, our focus becomes outward and the things listed
above become more natural and easier to apply to our daily lives.
As I close, I do have one caution to give. Everyone matures at a
different rate. Some children are “born” that way, and others have
to work at it for many
years. You may have
a child who is a “late
bloomer” and who
may just not mature as
quickly as their siblings
or some of their peers.
Whether this is your
own child or someone
else’s, keep on loving
themand gently point-
ing them to Christ. In
God’s eyes, the imma-
ture young person is
no less valuable than
the mature one.
Kim and Jeff Stilwell have
lived in Des Moines, Iowa, since
1987. They are high school
sweethearts who met at a mis-
sionary kid school in Lima, Peru.
Jeff and Kim have five precious
children and a daughter-in-love:
Joshua & Alissa, Joseph, Josiah,
Jessica, and Jennifer. They are
also the happy grandparents of
the sweetest granddaughter in
the world, Kate.