17 / 24
FALL 2019
HOMESCHOOL IOWA 17
...Relationships are built on shared experiences...
We built memories together, which helps to
strengthen relationships.
they share, but we should still be calm, loving, and encouraging. We
should gently point them to God’s Truth, not in a scolding, lecturing
way, but in a loving, caring way. On a side note, if a teenage boy
chooses to come and share his heart with you, drop everything and
listen. Most young men do not share their hearts very readily, so we
should count it as the privilege that it is.
I would like to add a disclaimer to the previous paragraph.
When I say we should be available to listen to our children, I do
not mean we should allow them to be rude or selfish. If we are
talking to someone else or in themiddle of doing something else,
it is fine to tell them to wait a few minutes (or hours) to talk. It is
fine to say, “I would love to hear what you have to say in a little
while, but right now I am talking to Daddy” or “I’d be happy to
listen to you as soon as I finish helping your sister with her math.”
We had many family adventures together. During warm
weather, we would often go to a park on Jeff’s day off. We were
able to explore many parks together in our area. We traveled to-
gether and went on family vacations. When our kids were older
and began doing activities, like TeenPact alumni events, Jeff or I
(or both of us) often went with them.
Relationships are built on shared experiences. As you can see,
everything mentioned above involved time together. We built
memories together, which helps to strengthen relationships.
I’d like to insert something that is off topic, but I feel it is im-
portant to say. If I were to give one piece of advice to young
moms, it would be, “Get off your phone and spend time with
your children.”Smart phones are great tools, but they should not
be your master. You will never regret time spent with your chil-
dren. You won’t remember not keeping up with the latest news
on Facebook or not responding to a text right away. But you will
always remember that you spent time with your children and,
more importantly, so will they.
Do I have regrets? Oh, so many! Some regrets are minor and
some are huge. I regret having some of my babies on such a rig-
id schedule. I would have spent more time with my children and
less time researching or on the desktop. I regret times I spoke
in harsh frustration instead of admonishing in love. I regret the
times I jumped to conclusions without knowing all the facts.
Though my kids were outside more than the average American
child, I would have had them be outdoors even more.
My kids didn’t have a lot of screen time, but if I were to do it
over again, they would have even less screen time. I would have
had more strict deadlines in high school to help prepare them
for college and the rest of the real world.
I would have worried less about what others thought about
my parenting and more about what God thought. I would have
been more consistent in having my children do regular chores.
They did help out quite a bit, but I would have had more of a
routine and schedule for chores.
I would have handled the deep struggles of one of my daugh-
ters differently in some ways. I often apologized to my children
when I blew it, but I wish I had done so even more instead of
letting pride get in the way, wanting to be right just because I
was the mom. I wish with all my heart that I had protected them
more from the influence and input of some of the kids in the
neighborhood.
There are some things that I wouldn’t change but I would in-
crease in frequency. As I said, I wish we had spent even more
time outside. I wish we had spent even more time learning God’s
Word. I prayed for my children daily, but I would have prayed for
them even more. Just recently it has been driven home to me
how important it is to pray for our children, and I have made it
even more of a priority than ever before.
As I ponder the last 27 years, my main emotion is gratitude. I
am grateful that God gave me these five precious children. (This
has now extended to a daughter-in-law and granddaughter.) I
am blessed to have been able to homeschool them. I am thank-
ful for the relationship I have with each of them. And most of all,
I am so thankful that, as of now, they all love and serve the Lord.
I know this is only by the grace of God, and I do not take it for
granted.
Kim and Jeff Stilwell have lived in Des Moines, Iowa, since 1987. They are high school
sweethearts whomet at amissionary kid school in Lima, Peru. Jeff and Kimhave five precious
children and a daughter-in-love: Joshua & Alissa, Joseph, Josiah, Jessica, and Jennifer. They
are also the happy grandparents of the sweetest granddaughter in the world, Kate.