Fall 2020

HOMESCHOOLIOWA.ORG

ost children struggle with fear from time to time, but

some can become paralyzed by them. I had a couple of

children like that. It was a long road, but I am happy to

say that, while they still struggle occasionally with fear and worry,

those things no longer control them. They now do things that scare

me, such as going to Tennessee to help tornado victims during the

height of Covid, rappelling down mountains, traveling to other

countries, just to name a few. More importantly, they stand for Christ

in a world where that is becoming harder to do.

World events can be frightening for adults. Howmuch more so for

our children! What can we, as parents, do to help our children dur-

ing these times? As much as I wish I could, I can’t give you a magic

formula. There isn’t one. However, I will share some things that were

helpful to Jeff and me when we were raising our children.

From the time our children were little,

God’s sovereignty has been a natural

part of our conversation. We often talked

about how our loving Heavenly Father is

ultimately in control of everything. We

told them that, as much as Daddy and

Mommy love them, God loves them even

more. When they were really little, it was

hard for them to grasp this concept, and

some of our kids struggled with this in

their teens as well. But eventually, they all took God’s sovereignty

to heart.

While you don’t need to keep your children in denial about world

events and difficult situations (such as problems with extended fam-

ily, difficult church situations, etc), these difficulties should not be

dwelt on constantly in front of them. Depending on their age and

maturity, it is probably fine to let them know some or all of what is

going on. We should let them process it and talk about it. However,

it does your child a great disservice to constantly have these things

be the topic of every dinnertime conversation. It helps your children

greatly with their fears and insecurities if most of the family conver-

sations are about pleasant or practical topics.

When my children were afraid, it often helped if they had a spe-

cific verse or song to recite or sing either out loud or in their minds.

There are wonderful verses on fear, many of them in Psalms, and

they can be found with a Google search or concordance. But one

verse that I recited often to my children is Psalm 56:3, “What time

I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.” A song that I sang to them from the

time they were very young was Ron Hamilton’s “How Can I Fear.” It

can be found on YouTube.

Pray with and for your children. When your child is afraid, the first

go-to response should be to pray with them and then encourage

them to pray on their own. We will not always be with them, so the

best thing we can do for them is to teach them to take their fears

straight to God even when Mom and Dad aren’t around. One of my

children wrote out a prayer for a specific worry and kept it with her

at all times to pull out when needed. And no matter what their age,

praying for your children on a daily basis,

whether it be about fear or anything else

in life, is the single best thing you can do

for them.

No matter how ridiculous an anxiety

may seem to an adult, it is very real to the

child. Listen to them, talk to them, pray

with them, and point them to Christ. But

do not ever belittle or ridicule them. That

is one of the fastest ways to lose your

child’s trust. If children are ridiculed for their “little” concerns when

they are small, they will not share their big concerns when they are

teenagers or young adults.

Ultimately, the goal is to equip your children to overcome their

fears without you. I am certainly not saying you shouldn’t be there

for your child when they are afraid. You should. But you will not al-

ways be in their life, and their ultimate source of security needs to

come from God. So, yes, be their safety net. Listen to them. Walk

them through their fears. Pray with them. But always point them

back to Christ, the only One who can give them true peace.

Remind your child of former victories over fear. (“Remember when

you were afraid of caterpillars, and now you let them crawl right up

your arm?”) Knowing they have conquered situations that made

Helping

Our

Children

Overcome

Their

Fears

BY KIM STILWELL

No matter how ridiculous an

anxiety may seem to an adult,

it is very real to the child.